End of 2023

Before I wrote this post, I read a few of the posts that were left in the draft. Funny, why does it never go out? It is actually better than nothing. 

This year in 2023, I started journaling in January after I received a small black notebook for my birthday from Caje. I thought it just going to be a temporary habit, but it turns out, I wrote that journal more than I can ever imagine. Consistently, because initially I just wanted to write down about my happy moment, but it turned out to be a rant, letter, and delulu stuff. But I learnt a lot from journaling, I learnt to express my emotions with words. I learnt to be more expressive and deep dive into emotions and understand why I feel such feelings. 

A lot of learning about myself this year. A lot of understanding ups and downs as we grew older. I've been working in a very good company since 2021. After few years searching for a company to work, that can occupied my emotions and physical. God forbid me to work at my dream company with my dream team. I want to stay there for a very long time. I don't care anymore about being adventurous, about trying something new in life. I seek peace. I seek flexibility, I seek where I can go back to my hometown whenever I feel like it. The flexibility and understanding, they also concern about mental health and coaching.

Every positive part, there is going to be a bit of negative side. If not, life wouldnt be so balanace. I understand, there's no such thing as a perfect place. But I do know things that are gems, rare and I will not easily let it go. My plan next year is to stay but to step up my game in the company. I wanna challenge myself to take more responsibility. Rather than just keep it to myself. However, I know I just fear of the unfamiliar. Humans hate that.

The unfamiliar place, people, procedure. We hated them so much but why? Is it inconvenient? wasting of time? used up more energy? time-consuming and mentally consuming? I understand that, but if I have to let everything go. Then I will just need to put up one more fight again. Isn't it how life works? Bukankah semua benda dalam dunia ini tidak kekal? Dan bukankah, manusia sangat benci kepada benda yang tidak pasti?

Letter for the fragile hearts

I recently read a book. Yup, Hafizah read a book? It is a compilation of letter for the heart, short one. There's a one letter goes by this sentences ;

"Throw away unwanted emotional baggage that is weighing us down and making us stuck in the past."

I read the next page, but there are no suggestions on how can I throw away this unwanted emotional baggage, and how to get rid of all unpleasant things that prevent us from being happy. None. All they ask is if we can get rid of feelings, for me you can't get rid of feelings, all you can do is to layer it with another feeling. That's how we coop. 

Human cant feel 10 layers of feelings at the same time. You cant be sad and happy at the same time, your heart will choose one, and overthink one of them. 

But, happy will never be permanent, or never that long.

So I keep asking myself, why does happy feeling never stay? but sad/dissapointment always keep coming back. Why do we needed the urge to always topup the "happy pills" , while sad and dissapointment is the one that keep coming? Because all we do is layer it with happy pills without actually cure our sadness. Thus, sadness can not be cured, or be erased. It stay like a faint tatto marks, while you drew new one on top of it, it still there. 

I wont keep this in my draft, but I will come back for next part. 

Till then..

At my lowest point.

Mid 2021. 

No, currently I am not at my lowest point. I just, losing my job. And have no ambition to continue working at the moment. Looking for a job at the age of 30 is damn hard. I swear. Dear myself, don't give up. okay? read again, and think again what have we become so far. 

Amost 29

Okay, entah berapa kali aku tulis dan delete post. tulis dan delete. Dalam draft dah berpuluh draft yang hanya separuh nota. Hanya tinggal jadi personal diari aku sahaja. Tapi aku hanya datang saat aku rasa firasat aku nak menulis sangat kuat. Aku rasa this perasaan menulis ni datang sebab aku dah start membaca balik. Setiap kali tu lah aku rasa emosi aku membuak-buak bila menulis. Tapi kali ni aku ada benda penting untuk aku pahatkan disini. Jadi aku kena tabah, dan habiskan sehingga habis. 

Banyak benda dah berlaku dan terjadi dalam setahun, bila aku tengok post-post lepas. Tak sangka, sangat tak sangka aku berada disini harini dalam keadaan ini. Dear blog, Aku tahu for past few post, kau selalu mention yang aku akan jadi berjaya, aku akan berubah dan aku bahagia. Jadi, antara benda penting yang aku nak bagitau.

1. Aku masih mencari diri- Setelah 2 tahun aku berada dalam hubungan dan hampir ke arah perkahwinan, Agak lambat aku belajar dan sedar diri, yang mungkin aku masih lagi jauh untuk ke arah itu. Aku masih lagi tak mengerti banyak hal. Semuanya masih pudar. Aku ingat aku dah jadi yang terbaik, aku berikan yang terbaik, tapi di tengah jalan aku merangui semua benda, aku tak mahu salahkan tuhan, dan apatah lagi soal takdir aku tak mahu sentuh. Selepas semuanya berakhir, aku banyak persoalkan diri aku. Pelbagai fasa yang aku lalui bermula dengan penyesalan, kemudian perlahan-lahan untuk aku bangun kembali. Ujian? kalau aku sebutkan ini sebagai ujian, ujian itu haruslah berikan aku pengajaran. Tapi, ini mungkin lebih dari ujian dan sekadar pengajaran. Ia adalah hidup. Sebahagian dari hidup. Dia pun hidup aku, dan adakah aku nak salahkan diri sebab aku sendiri yang mulakan? Aku hanyalah manusia yang mengikut hati. 

Banyak hari aku salahkan diri aku, banyak hari aku mencari mana diri aku, dan setiap hari aku bertanya apakah nilai diri aku? Apakah sbb aku gagal dalam hubungan bermakna aku memang tiada harga diri atau tak bernilai? Apatah lagi separuh dari hubungan itu memang banyak silap dan kesalahan aku sehingga aku rasa aku masih lagi tak boleh nak memaafkan diri sendiri. Fasa-fasa ini sangat pedih. Penat aku pujuk diri, penat aku bagitahu diri aku yang "it's okay hafizah, it's okay" sebab kalau aku tak maafkan diri aku sendiri macam mana aku nak teruskan hidup. 

Kesannya sehingga harini, merasakan aku tak layak untuk sesiapa, sebab dia yang baik, tapi aku yang tak pandai menghargai. hari-hari yang aku lalui agak perit, pedih, gelap.

Tapi, dear blog, Walaupun aku tahu aku menyakiti satu hati, walaupun begitu, aku kena telan betapa pahitnya kenyataan itu. Dan baru aku sedar, aku yang menyakiti lebih rasa tersakiti. Tapi bukan untuk aku bandingkan siapa lebih sakit, tapi jujur, Melepaskan tu lebih dari sakit, dan kau sendiri rasa macam nak merangkak kembali, jilat balik ludah. Sebenarnya, dah lama aku tahu, yang aku akan terus sakiti dia, tapi aku tak tahu bagaimana mahu berhenti, ataupun sebenarnya aku tak mahu. Hmmm. bilalah nk habis kisah moved-on nih. 

Fasa moved-on yang kelakar,  tbh, harini lebih baik daripada semalam, hal yang lepas biarkanlah lepas. Fasa aku moved-on macam-macam berlaku. Daripada aku tiba2 liar mencari lelaki-lelaki lain. kepada langsung taknak berhubung dengan mana-mana lelaki sekarang. Kelakar. Banyaknya aku habiskan masa bersama mereka dengan alasan "masa aku dlm relationship" aku tak boleh contact kawan-kawan lelaki. kelakar Hafizah. Tapi, entah, semua tu proses untuk aku kenal diri aku. Aku tak boleh nak total salahkan diri aku. sebab yela, aku pun memang unpredicatble. 

Lambat jugak aku sedar sebenarnya yang fasa moved on ni banyak benda kau kena topup diri kau tentang sesuatu yang hilang. Sebab lepas breakup mmg aku rasa kosong sangat, but thanks to kawan-kawan yang ada aku masih lagi boleh berdiri sampai harini. baik. Benar, kawan yang baik tu rezeki. 

Fasa moved on phase 1- 

After broke up, memang susah nk teruskan hidup, gitu. Naik je KL meroyan sebab banyak gila kenangan kat sini, so mulalah fasa seorang hafizah meroyan tak tentu pasal. lawak, menangis tiap-tiap malam macam orang mati lelaki. Tapi, aku duduk dengan Ajue, sedikit sebanyak memang aku bergantung hidup dengan dia. tumpang bilik dia almost sebulan smpai nak kena halau dengan housemate dia. hah! lawak. terbuang, terbiar, gitu. masa tu aku bekerja online, designer dan baru mula mengajar online, awal lagi, setiap kelas nervous dan berpeluh. 

Pindah Kajang - Pindah kajang, kelakar juga cerita ni, sebab company yang aku kerja ada kat Kajang, so aku decided selepas sebulan nk pindah sana. Pengalaman duduk rumah sewa atas kedai, bilik takde tingkap, tiap2 malam berkicap. Dengan suasana rumah yang mmg menyeramkan, dan housemate semua merokok. Hahaha. Aku hampir tanya diri aku, patut ke aku merokok jugak? alang2 rebel nak moved on gitu, lepastu rasa nak tampar diri sendiri sebab "takkan aku nak rosakkan paru2 aku pulak sbb nak move on, jgn jadi bodoh" . Bilik tu dah la mahal, lepastu internet KO, end up every weekend aku pi UIA dengan menempel lagi dengan si Najurah. Time tu aku dah start kaya. Gaji dah almost 4k sebulan. erm, kosong, masih kosong. Hati

Fasa moved-on phase 2 -  Perjalanan moved on aku masih jauh, tapi sepanjang perjalanan ni, Allah izinkan aku berkembang jauh dalam pekerjaan aku. Yep, aku pun tak sangka aku boleh pergi jauh, padahal kerja tu weekend kot. weekend yang supposed to be aku punya golden daysss nak hiking punya pasal. Tapi dengan alasan " aku taknak cross path dengan ex." sebab dia pun hiking, so kalau aku kerja weekend, possibility untuk berjumpa tu mmg 0% yup., totally 0 sebab,~ 

Aku kerja dengan dua kerja, Weekday designer, weekend mengajar design. Full. Time tu rasa almost nak burn out. Rasa macam nak mati, rasa macam nak terjun tasik dan hidup jadi mermaid. Tapi, fuh, baru aku tau sebenarnya aku ada support sistem yang sangat kuat. Gila lagi kuat daripada rasa cinta aku padanya. agitu...!!!

Tapi, it last about 3 months, aku gave up one job, kerja weekday, Dan sehingga sekarang aku hanya bekerja dihujung minggu dengan gaji yang lebih tinggi dari kerja weekday. I could say, this is moved on punya rezeki? Idk, babe. Makin lama, makin positif effect break-up, yelah takkan selamanya nak negatif. takkan selamanya kau rasa nak bunuh diri sebab kau dh emotionally rosakkan someone, Tapi apa je aku boleh buat selain minta maaf? Apa? entah.

Fasa moved-on phase 3 - Nak kata betapa cantiknya aturan Allah. Aku dapat duduk flat sebelah je rumah si Najurah walaupun aku tak pernah pula minta nak duduk rumah dia. Hahaha, aku cuma doa, "YA Allah, berikanlah aku rumah yang terbaik." gitu, kadang2 aku rasa macam aku patut lebih specific ketika berdoa, tapi lumrah hidup aku ni memang jenis suka suprais. hamek! dapat rumah murah, terbaik, dan alhmdulllah another door of blessings yang Allah berikan. Time tu aku macam terduduk dan insaf, sedangkan aku yang banyak dosa, tapi Allah tetap tabur rezeki untuk aku. salah , untuk aku yang berusaha untuk bertaubat. 

Honestly, bila je kau tak berdosa bila bercouple? bila? Aku rasa sebab aku dah lepas daripada kancah dosa, maybe, idk, just Maybe Allah bukakan pintu rahmatNya seluas-luasnya untuk aku yang sendiri berusaha payah melepaskan diri daripada situ. ingat senang? Orang sana takkan lepas punya. Iam sure he not gonna read this anyway, kalau dia baca pun dia dah takdak kena mengena dah dengan aku kecuali kenangan. gituuuuu~

Fasa moved-on phase 4 - malas nak cerita panjang. Tadi aku baru je balik kampung n9. Sejak umi dan abah retired kat Kampung aku rasa sayu sangat life. yelah , everything has changed. Faham tak? umi abah dah tua duduk kampung. Whatever it is, bulan ni aku rasa bersyukur sangat sebab dapat hadiahkan macam-macam kat umi abah sampai ayat umi berbunyi

"Baguslah mcm Pzah, datang berbakti pada umi abah sblm mati" mendalam ayat tu ye. Tapi deep in my heart. at least Umi abah recognized aku sedang berbakti, tu pun dah cukup dah hidup aku. complete. Gaji yang ada ni berkat, barokah, tak kisah langsung nak spent untuk keluarga dan adik-adik, sebab aku tahu, belum masanya lagi untuk aku guna untuk diri sendiri. Sebenarnya aku je stakatni anak perempuan yang kahwin lambat, both kakak aku married around 25-26, so aku solo dan successful,  tu lah investment aku untuk akhirat. Tolong adik bradik aku, selagi aku mampu. Peh, few years ago aku broke nak mampus sampai ex aku terpaksa tanggung! skrg dah kaya nak balas jasa dia pun takleh dah, member dah taknak contact kita terus, ingat bleh la nak lanje2 kopi ke (kau jangan jahhhhhhh hati kau belum kuadddd)

dannn... seterusnya. Dah fully moved on ke? Belum. Tapi tengah kuatkan hati, kuatkan jiwa. Tengah explore banyak benda . lately aku dah start membaca. Alhmdulillah, jeling2 dh nak kat brapa ntah buku habis. 

Panjangnya lagi aku nak tulis sebenarnya, kau tengok mood aku dari awal sampai habis macam mana, macam orang hilang pedoman. Haha, 

So apa fokus kau sekarang Hapijah?

1- Berbakti kepada Umi Abah - Honestly, reason aku working hard sekarang ialah untuk parents aku kat Kampung, kadang2 aku fikir, kenapalah dorg kena duduk kampung membuatkan aku rasa tinggi gilaaaa emosiiiii, ish, kalau duduk bandor lega sikit. faham tak gais? So, adalah hikmahNya both mom and dad nk retired kat sana, But im okey and Im fine. Alhmdulillah Im good. Smoga hafizah istiqomah balik Biweekly okay??

2- Kembangkan carrier - Tbh, Im living the dream right now, kerja only weekend, weekday just light2 freelancer, and aku mostly busykan diri dengan belajar new things, sbb nak mengajar aku kena banyak belajar. SANGAT! so aku joined free course dan busykan diri tambah ilmu. Baca banyak buku since aku pun ada crush dengan member yang suka membaca~~~~ hiksss rahciewwwww! 

3- Fokus fitness - Wajib, kurus cantik dan kaya. Oh, bahagia. 

4- Ibadah- sbnrnya nak letak paling atas tapi tu lah mcm riak pulak nampak. hahaha. Back to basic je sebenarnya, nak start baca mathurat, nak mula mengulang dan hafal juzz amma, dan nak baca buku2 ilmiah giccew. dan jangan lupa nak baykkan bersedeqah

5- Kahwin? Doa dulu. kita tengok macam mana tahun depan. 

Yes, finally aku berjaya siapkan satu post pada tahun 2020. Dah nak masuk 29 tahun ni tajuk pun typo pijah. sudahlah.

Writing a letter for my future

One post A year. I guess, this is the right time for me to write.

Again, this is the post for myself 2 years perhaps in the future. I dont know where you are now. and what are you doing right now, are married? Are single? and working right now?

You are successful now arent you? you are happy now arent you? I hope all the answers are yes.

Dear Hafizah,

Dont you forget what you feel right now. You already done your VIVA after waiting so long for more than 2 years. and yes, you are in the correction phase for 3 months. I hope you not forget that what do you feel right now, you're not happy.

Today, the day you declared that the thesis you've been written for 2 years and more is totally useless for you now. Today, you feel like listening to others is totally bullshit. Today the day you said that you regret of anything you've left behind. Why today? Because today you almost lost everything you have. No, that's not what you meant when you write this. Not everything. but that's how you feel.

In the last post, kau tulis yang tujuan utama kau sekarang ialah nak dapatkan master thesis, to finish everything you've started. You resign form 2.5k salary to do the writing and been jobless for almost 6 months now. you will never believe how you really survived with this. It's rezeki,

Allah allowed you to finish what you wanted so much. Allah gives you so much free time to do whatever you want. and today, mashaAllah you said you regret everything.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU WILL BE DOING NOW IF YOU NOT DOING MASTER SEKARANG? THE ROAD NOT TAKEN? WHAT THE HELL. THERE'S NO SUCH THING

Dont you forget how miserable you think this 2019 will ended for you. YES you will be graduated and for now, you have nowhere to go except home. and you bersyukur sangat sangat for that.

You always told yourself, how lucky you are, how happy you are to have your family back. To have time to spent, but it turns out that's not the case. Kau tak pernah bersyukur apa pun. padahal Allah dah makbulkan doa kau.

Kepada engkau yang di masa depan, bersyukur lah dengan apa yang kau ada sekarang. Apa lagi teruk daripada life kau sekarang? tak, jangan bandingkan diri kau dgn orang lain. bandingkan diri kau dengan diri kau yang sebelum ni, mana lagi better?

kau stuck dgn boss lama kau? or now, doing nothing at all? bukan ke ni yg kau nak yang kau pilih?.

Yourself from past seriously will be so much happier now to know that she is almost finishing masters and doing great right now by having good portfolios and of course doing a lot of interviews and not really nervous and did great on your PTEM presentation. SHE so much happier to know this from past, that she almost have the suicidal thinking about how meaningless her life. But if she knew she will be here, she will be strong wait for her day to come. But she never know, until today.

So hafizah, no matter what road you taken, do not what you feel about today.
crying while writing this, and wondering what kind of live will you have next week, next month and next year, or even you are expecting emails for tomorrow.

you will never know what lies ahead infornt of you.

BERSABAR lah hafizah. bangun tahjud, istikharah , and insyaAllah everything going well for you in the future. okay?

So, see you next year. with scroll master, double stripes robe, and you will be successful in your work, you travel overseas a lot and you gain money a lot and you are happier than now, you are more grown up and mature, you giving pocket money to your parents, you buy a house and car at the end of 2020,  you are calmer, you are still beautiful and confident in yourself, you are definitely better thousand than now. 

See you 2020 Hafizah.

Comeback post : Solat Aku.

Madrasah solat untuk pendosa. Benar kata mereka, Solat itu mencegah kemungkaran. Mencegah, tak mungkin kau tidak melakukannya walaupun sekusyuk mana solat engkau. Jika manusia itu barat laluan penuh berliku lara , Quran itu seperti kompasnya, dan solat itu umpama alatan untuk kau ikhtiar hidup. Saat kau dah takdak apa dah, Solat itu yang akan selamatkan kau. Seperti Allah bilang, benda pertama sekali akan di tarik adalah solat kau. Baik solat kau, baiklah pengakhiran kau.

Tapi, aku bukan nak sembang pasal baik or tak baik solat kau. Aku nak share macam mana Madrasah solat ajar aku jadi aku. aku tak baik, aku tak solehah, tapi, seakan aku rasa solat itu yang bawa aku balik dan kembali kepada Dia, Saat aku paling dekat dengan Dia ialah waktu solat.

Solat tu reflek hati kau. Masa hati kau tengah lalai, masa hati kau tengah seronok keluar jenjalan, solat semata2 sebab kena solat dan puff, habis mcm tu je. Solat kau hanya untuk tunaikan kewajipan. Itu bagi aku selemah, lemah solat. Ada lagi, solat yang kau buat tanpa kau rasa apa. Kau tengah layan movie, solat pun di akhir waktu, dan alar kadar. Sudah lah lambat, hamparan pun kurang, bacaan pun tungganglanggang, itu belum lagi cek bacaan Alfatihah yang belum tentu benar kau baca dari masa kau kecil sampai sekarang,

Jika hati kau lalai, solat tu macam tu. Dia ibarat cerminan hati kau. Tapi, seandainya kau rasa kau dh byk sngt buat dosa, bila kau angkat takbir tu, kau akan rasa kau hendak/mahu solat dengan khusyuk. Itu satu rezeki. Rezeki tuhan bagi kau untuk perbaiki solat kau. Solat yang baik untuk orang mcm aku, bagi aku setiap kali kau solat, kau berusaha untuk khusyuk, tiap kali dahi cecah lantai, kau akan rasa kebesaran tuhan. lagi besar dari masalah yang kau tengah hadap sekarang Tuhan bagi bacaan "Subhana Rabbiyal 'Ala, wabihamdihi" Bermaksud, Maha suci Allah, yang maha Tinggi, Besar, dan Agung. Itu yang kita sebut. tapi tak pernah nak rasa kat hati. tak pernah sampai, Paling teruk aku pernah buat, Aku baca sekali je. tak sempat habuk lekat kat dahi pun.

Pernah tak kau rasa setiap kali kau solat, badan kau rasa panas dan menggeletar?. Tak pernah, aku pernah rasa, tapi aku tak faham kenapa. Aku cuba anggap, kau mungkin tak rasa, tapi badan kau, tubuh badan anggota kau rasa kau sedang nak menghadap Allah. Pernah kau rasa kau nak angkat takbir, sebut kebesaran Allah time tu kau sebak? Tak pernah, tapi, hati kau sebak, sbb hati kau masih rasa, tapi kau yang tak rasa. Antara kau dan hati kau ada selaput keras. Kadang air mata kau turun tanpa rasa sedih dan pedih, sebab hati kau yang pedih, diri kau yang pedih. Kau nangis for no reason, kau hairan. Sedangkan hati kau berbisik, Kembalilah kepada Dia walau apa pun jadi. Walau seteruk mana dan jauhnya dosa kau.

Kadang kau tak rasa kau dlm belenggu dosa. Tapi, setiap hari yang kau lalui, dunia je yg ada, Tuhan ada sipi-sipi, celah celah. Sedangkan segala benda rezeki, kasih sayang, dan ilmu dan kerjaya2 yg kau try settlekan sendiri tu, tuhan yang bagi kau daya untuk siapkan. Nanti bila kau sakit, kau dah rasa xboleh nak angkat badan pun, time tu baru kau rasa, kau sbnrnya takde daya. Allah kalau nak tarik. kejap je. Saat tu, apa yg kau boleh buat , Solat dan Doa saja. ikhtiar ubatan tu lain lah. Tapi, kalau kau fikir kau kena kembali kepada tuhan selepas apa yang terjadi, ketahuilah kau bertuah, Tuhan izinkan hati kau kembali kepadaNya. Tuhan izinkan, nampakkan kau, tunjukkan kau jalan kembali kepadaNya. Ada orang, tuhan tutup jalan, tuhan tak kasi hati tenang, tuhan kasi kau resah gelisah dibelenggu masalah, tuhan tutup jalan pulang, sebab hati kau, Dia yang pegang. Maka bersyukurlah.

Aku bila sedar balik masa aku dh lama tinggal solat, (sbb period) then aku start solat balik, solat aku jadi kurang kadar. bukan ala kadar. Mungkin sbb mmg dosa sang hawa waktu period adalah berdosa dan kotor. nak sucikan balik tu mcm takes time, kalau skjap 5 hari takpe , aku kadang 10 hari. Bila selepas sehari dua, aku dpt kekuatan untuk cuba kusyuk dan dapatkan balik feel solat tu, menangis tak tertahan kadang2 sebab bersyukur Allah buka pintu hati ntuk aku cari kekusyukan dan cari kebesaranNya dalam solat tu. Seadainya Allah terus biarkan aku solat dlm keadaan lalai sampai bila bila anggota ,hati aku dlm keadaan tersiksa, tp aku tak tahu. Sebab tu hati tu milik dia , saat kau dah dapat rasa tu, kau doa sungguh2 biar Allah jaga. biar Allah ingatkan LAGI jika kau LALAI. ingatkan LAGI, panggil kau LAGI. Tak mungkin kau dlm keadaan ingatnya sentiasa. sebab kalau ya. Hati kau dan mata kau meleleh all the time. fikir lagi betapa rezeki yg dia berikan. despite ujian yg kau sendiri cari pasal kadang2, Peluang yang Allah berikan tu beyond fikiran kau.

Rezeki yg paling kau kena bersyukur adalah rezeki kau dibenarkan untuk sujud dan ruku' kepadaNya. 5 solat waktu wajib yg kau tegak berdiri mbaca ayat yang kau separa faham tu, yang tu lah Allah kira, pandang dalam seharian hari kau. lalai mcm mana pun, Tapi bila kau set up your self, niat and mind untuk jumpa Dia. Dia ready. cuma kau. apa yg sepenuhnya attention kau boleh bagi?

Entahlah, bagi aku, selagi kau ada peluang untuk angkat takbir, angkat lah sepenuh hati dan jiwa. masa tu baca "ya Allah, kluarkan hal2 dunia dari hati dan kepala aku, aku serahkan segala urusan dunia kepadaMu." settle. tak kurang 5 minit. sekejap, biar sekejap tapi berkualiti. Waktu kita dgn Allah. mmg selalu, tapi, itu paling specific, apa ada dalam hati kau tu lah refleksi solat kau. Selagi masih mampu perbaiki, setiap solat perbaiki niat, setiap solat  perbaiki hati dan perbaiki khusyuk mengadap tuhan.

Lama dah tak menulis, tapi entah kenapa aku rasa terpannggil nak tulis. Jika aku mati satu hari nanti, kalau kau perbaiki solat kau sebab baca post aku. aku harap adalah part aku mengalir dan selamatkan aku dari siksa kubur. Amin. Aku doa sapa yang tengah resah hati gelisah tu, balik kpd Allah, sama sama aku doa kau dapat ketenteraman jiwa. Ya ssalam. Amin...

The crossroad

Today I wrote a song about the crossroad.
and I think I'm going to stuck at the crossroad forever.
That is where my heart fell for you.
The crossroad that always busy, connected me to you.
We walked side by side, but I decided to walk fast and leave you.
But it turned out, I was wrong, the car still chasing each other
without giving any chance to me to cross,
You came out from my back, and push me closed to you.
I was shocked, and you said.
"Maybe this is your first time crossing here, but there is the zebra line"
He showed me that crossing line. Dragged me, nope, he dragged by
by his body, I cant understand the situation well,
you just came and suddenly you walked in front of me, dragged me with you.
I just can't read the situation. too confusing,
You just dragged me into your life, you didnt realized that dont you?

So Im just gonna stuck here, until someone else fetch me. bring me with em.
thank you for leaving me alone.

I dare to change.

Hey, long time no update.

Since I decided to change my life path, and yes, my path completely changed. LOTS of things happened since then. 

After living in depression almost for 3 months. Aku decide untuk sambung master, dengan harapan aku boleh ubah cara hidup aku waktu tu. Skrg ni, apa masalahnya? Why is so depressing?

WAR-King

First, kerja yang aku kerja, tak kena dengan jiwa, working as graphic designer is really not my thing. Plus, Employer really killed my talent and soul with lack of management and bad attitude. I still can tolerate if people give me lots of job, I can handle that, only if you give me a proper SOP or instruction. They way he treated me, mcm aku dah tahu semua benda since dia guna terms "demanding", yes, He said, and my co-worker also labeled me as "budak demand". WHY?

After having 2times interview, 1st handle with graphic, 2nd interview I rushed back from KL, (since still working as Research Assistant) , and he asked me to do the 3Ds, I measure the kedai printing, and buat 3D and yeah,including interior and wallpaper  (I changed so many times.). They dont have any software and asked me to download it, but I cant and I RUSH BACK HOME AND TOOK MY LAPTOP .... gigih nak mati,  I should start at September 2016, but I requested to delay my admission to October 2017, and He asked me why they need to wait for me,

I said, "depends, If you cant wait, then cari lah someone else" , I know some company would feel macam alamak susah lah nak panggil budak interview lagi., and he KEEP saying like, company dia berpuluh2 budak mintak kerja. ramai orang bla..blaa sanggup datang dari jauh like the hell I care. 

I didnt write this masa kerja 3 bulan tu sebab Iam afraid Iam too emotional to write about this, and yeah, my previous post said to the future me,

  "never forget this pain"

So I learn to appreciate everything in front of me now, learn not to complaint and give up.

I sent my letter of resignation 2 weeks before I sign out for the job, At that moment, ive decided to join Master no matter what. So I registered UITM CourseWork. , I attended the interview eventhough my dad against the idea, because he said even if I pass this interview I still can't go. (The money Issue) oh well.

Fakulti Seni Reka Shah Alam

Naik KL with bus dengan adik, sewa kereta, tumpang bilik Najurah, drive to UITM shah Alam,Q and waited for interview, that feeling is the best at that moment, The thirst of adventure, the eager feeling to try something new eventho it cost so much at first. I got meet my favourite lecturer from UITM, Dr Bahar. He interviewed me, and mostly amazed with my portfolio. He looks like doubted why I chose this university so he asked me,

I said, Today I came to find an answer. He told me to make the best decision.

After dapat surat tawaran I passed to UITM Shah Alam, in Fakulti Alam Bina, master in Sains Teknologi., I reject and choose IIUM Instead, time tu that is the best decision because I wanna change my life, but actually im not ready for it pun, so I choose the easiest way.

Throw Daisy from my life.

This might sound bit crazy, but sebab ni jugaklah membuatkan aku rasa gloomy gila hidup, I lost my crush after long time long=long long crush , I knew he will get married soon at that moment. LOL,
the moment I heard that news, I was like stumble, and stunned, I honestly never cried for a mere crush, but this for him. I cried, sikit jela berair mata. takde lah beria sangat, sbb aku sangat shock dan tak percaya, dia pergi so soon. I thought I still can spend time with him lah. LOL,but anyway,

Itu belum cerita gaduh dengan abah, gaduh dengan kakak bila duduk rumah, oh btw, tempat kerja ni like 20minutes dari rumah.


MASTER PLAN

Honestly, Iam not really prepared to pursue master, I know nothing. Didnt choose the topic, just because Abah said he will sponsor within 3 years from now kalau siapa2 nak study, sebab he going to retire soon, So I took the opportunity, now! is time to change mylife,

Istikharah adalah sekali dua, not because I didnt trust istikharah, sebab aku sendiri tahu apa yang aku, Aku doa for the best, for the best for me for the best for me, and everybody sekeliling aku. I want a contribution, I want my life changing for better. So , Allah permudahkan aku daftar master, Abah bukak hati support dan lain-lain like abah begi kereta for bisnes sewa kereta, and i got some duit poket from my last paycheck.

Again, I plan to duduk Mahallah, and buat kereta sewa ( to support myself), and plan to expand to dua kereta (InsyaAllah kalau mampu),

After first day registered as Master Student, the next day I flew to Lombok (3 months planning).  I used up my last paycheck to fly.

Lamaran Kheja daripada Senpai

Time berseronok kat Lombok, Senpai bernama irfan foner melamar aku untuk bekerja dengan dia. Dia mintak jumpa dulu meeting macam mana. As a person who baru lepas berhenti kerja yang sangat teruk, merubah kehidupan dan mood. Aku sangat trauma, seriously trauma sekiranya aku akan dapat majikan yang macam sebelum ni, Aku takut aku akan lari lagi daripada hidup aku hidup Master aku, I dont want to ruin it again,

Time tu aku doa for the best,If benda ni bebetul berikan kebaikan untuk aku, permudahkan lah. Aku doa. Permudahkan. Robbi Yassir Wala Tuassir.

So aku jumpa dia dengan niat awal awal im gonna reject this, sebab aku akan buat kereta sewa and jadi research assistant for madam soon,(unsure).

But after that short discussion, Irfan seriously really2 win to convince to work for him. Anyway. So until now AKu kerja dengan beliau. But I told him, that...please dont expect much from me, please and dont let me terkapai-kapai.

and now, Im so grateful that Ive the best team rn, and this part really changed my life. Meet new people, new job, new in everything fresh and brew~ and I plan to live this life for a long time, how long idk. Just pray to Allah,

and I hope my master, My work, my life, my agama, everything akan dirahmati Allah selalu dan orang2 disekeliling aku, aku mendoakankan smoga aku berhadapan dengan positive vibe setiap hari. dan waluapun ada negatif, aku yang masih berterusan positif dan aku percaya pada give and take yang tuhan bagi..

Oh, I learn Japanese Language, T_T 50% up quality of mylife.


Kalau betul nak tukar cara hidup, tukar. dont wait. Get out from the darkness, is our choice!
life always about taking a risk, every decision is a risk, everyday need to scarifies to thing to achieve another thing. I think, it worth waiting for 3 months in darkness, to have a better life, Allah beri peluang untuk belajar.  at least, That;s my way of seeing hikmah. MY WAY!

I tell you what, nak berubah, sumpah susah. Lagi2 bila kau nak berubah kearah kebaikan, atau kau nak cuba sesuatu yang baru lain daripada yang lain yang kau nak buat untuk merubah hidup kau. IT IS DIFFICULT, aku tunggu 3 bulan like 3 years honestly that was the worst 3 months in mylife so far. Buat Keputusan yang salah takpa,tuhan sentiasa beri masa perbaiki, akan tetapi jika kau duduk saja dalam kesalahan itu, bagaimana kau mahu berubah?

Dare to change.

it is your choice.

dont ask me how, explore on your own lah!

Cant wait for next adventure------------------------------------------------->

😲

Ya tuhan,
Apa agaknya yang terjadi pada aku lepasni?
Hidup apa yg aku bakal lalui ?
Bagaimana?
Siapa yang akan aku hidup bersamasama kesusahan ini?
Apa jalan yg akan aku pilih atau jalan yg telah lama engkau sediakan?
Adakah apa yg aku lalui ini mendekatkan aku kepadaMu?  Kalau ya,  aku redha. Kalau tidak ampunkan aku.

At the bottom.

Seriously,  i think i'm at the bottom if my life right now.

I dont know if i can get any lower and below.

But, for now i feel like dying.  Iam dying. Im dying, i could even imagine myself commit suicide. Nauzubillah.

Remember this, this pain. I will never forget. This pain is shit,  lantaklah apa nak kata ujian ke,  better life will come later ker,  or lesson learnt ke,  pegi jalan lah.  Takleh terima dah.

3month dlm hell.idk if the real hell is how hellish is that hell. Ini sikit ada org byk kena, dh jgn compare lagi.

To where she belong

Hati hati dengan apa kita minta dengan Allah. Hati hati bila berdoa. Hati hati bila niatkan sesuatu.  Kerana pabila Allah kabulkan kita tak mampu nk handle consequence yg kita tak jangka.

Kau mintak,  tuhan alihkan pemikiran kau supaya tak fikir masalah,  Allah akan dtgkan kau benda lain yg akan lg membebankan. Alihkan pemikiran kau tak bermaksud benda lagi better dari dulu,  kadang bila lagi berat lagi kau tak nak fikir benda yg kau mintak nak avoid dulu. Faham?.

Tapi takpalah tu urusan kau dgn Allah. Tiap org lain request, dan lain ujian. Walaupun kita tahu sbnrnya Allah dh tahu apa ada dlm hati kita tanpa kita sebut. Oh well,

Harini sblm umi bergerak pegi umrah,  we had a kinda short-deep farewell hugs. Duduk satu rumah jrg jumpa jrg bcakap. So bila umi akan pergi for 2 weeks ni umrah pulak tu,  so yeah.

I cried,  mom actually cried too because when i hugged her i asked her to pray for me,  to be a good daughter,  good person that can bring out everything in me,  and i told her i want to be a great person,  with a great heart and deeds and also i hope that someday ill meet the job that i will love with all my heart.

So, after that mom said

'Tau tak apa abah mintak doa utk korg? '
'Apa? '
'Jodoh'

I was actually shocked,  at the same time sad and dissapointed. Idk why,  tp rasa mcm ive been burned to him since i stayed and kerja kat rumah. I didnt help much. Padahal logic je hari hari parents doakan jodoh utk kita,  but this time it felt different,  sbb mmg ktorg family mana penah ckp pasal jodoh apa smua. Sbb masinh2 diam senyap je.  (Me and my sister).

At this age,  tu je yg aku rasa.  Burden and he wants to send me off.  To another person. Sbb mybe abah dh xleh tanggung aku apa aku nk buat. Aku pulak tak serious nak cari kerja. Kerja sikit dh merungut zaman belajar xyah kiralah tahan je lah mom dad tu.

For the first time in my life, i thought that i dont want to get married forever. Sblm ni xterfikir pun sgt pasal kahwin, family, hidup asing tanggungjwab, bla blaaa (coz i never been serious bout getting married lah). Aku nak stay mcm ni je selamanya. But dad, said that for reasons. Firasat bapak biasalah lah misteri sgt kita tak tahu apa dia fikir. But i hope one day, if abah really wants me to get married, i will tp xtahu lah dgn sapa just for the sake dont want to be burden kat dia.

After dengar pasal doa jodoh tu, aku tekad nk sewa rumah sendiri, cari keje tetap buy car, send money homes, join jemaah. Buat kerja jemaah.  I will just balik sekali sekala hantar buah tangan for mom dad, and shows them that iam fine alone, without abah supports or suami support. Nak jd independant xsemestinya kena kahwin or wte. I dont like the idea.

Tbh, aku belum lg larat nk pikul tgjwb sbg isteri or mak sbb tgjwb sbg ahli jemaah or seorg anak pun aku dh lari jauh. Tak mbantu apa apa. Aku mmg tak berguna. Tak siapa tahu aku graduated dari uiam dgn cemerlang menang byk competition and good cgpa and marks aku klua jd manusia duduk bwh tempurung and jd manusia paling tak berguna pada masyarakat even kepada keluarga sendiri.
Aku benci diri aku sbb aku tak buat apa perubahan. Duduk bilik tak habis2 express pakai berus dan kanvas. Smpai bila duduk bawah bayang crush tak suka aku. Tp aku suka dia so bad and went crazy.

For such a smart person who cant control her feelings and emotion, yeah she actually so dumb and useless.cant even make her own decision, crying all night and hv deep late night thought that would destroy her morning and works.  She thought she cool enough, strong and smart. But she is nothing but an empty shell. She is helpless, and stupid cant think right and every decision looks like a suicide routes.

I just hope one day, she dont hang herself and write 'i quit'  just like in 3 idiots.

Cheer up life.

As i grew older,  i realized that life is getting harder.  Its not getting simple and happy at all. When i thought everything will be okay after i graduated from degree. 

And here i am,  live the life that i cant barely accept the way it is,  live the life that i will never be happy,  i know,  we will never know  until the end of the day. So that means we have to keep living this way?. 

Time. Please wait.  I will change. I will make a new decision,  everytime i fall,  ill stand up and walking again,  i will never turning back. And i will never ever says 'kalau aku still kerja kat sana mesti.... '

Never.  I will leave,  trust me. life never been easy from the very beginning.  Never for me.  Kalau nak hidup senang,  memang takkan dapat,  ada cuma terselit dalam hari hari yg kita lalui hari- hari.

Kalau aku kata aku kerja susah,  tipu.  Aku kerja senang sangat.  Kerja yang simple,  duduk depan pc. Kadang xyah pakai otak. Kadang bodoh ja duduk situ. Then one day i got scolded,  asked me to improve the office,  and give benefit to the office,  jgn asyik main fon ja.

The part of main fon,  yes,  i admit my fault and it only happens once, after i finished my sijil job witch took me about 2weeks straight to finish it, and just that day aku rileks kejap sbb takde job sgt. What kind of improvement that i can make,  bila byk benda aku suggest di diamkan. My enthusiasm gone waste at the beginning of the job, how come that spirit will come again whenever people don't  appreciate.

Oh well,  tak appreciate works tu biasalah. Tp bila dh kata aku tak buat kerja tu aku tak follow up tu dh mcm keterlaluan jugak lah. Me myself,  is the most rajin student ever, self-proclaimed whetever .  But when it comes to buat untuk others,  please have a respect,  you want me to improve this and that,  first improve how do you works with your words.

Ah malas nk cakap banyak,  kalau dh tak suka tu,  it could be anything right?  I hate it. But this is my fate,  coz maybe someday ill say thanks,  coz gimme opportunity and made me realized how important my decision for myself. 😂😂😂😂

So,  dear myself,  dear you and me.

Buatlah keputusan yang terbaik dlm hidup,  dont waste your life,  your time.  Memang kita takkan tauu pun apa keputusan kita tu ok ke tak smpai kita kene hadap kita punya decision. Ask Allah.

Its okay,  we can always give ourself another chance. Give ourself life,  opportunity that our heart want it.
Kadang mmg hidup tak seperti yg kita nak. Mmg tak dapatlah semua benda jadi kan,  the thing is,  kau happy ke tak?

Cari benda yg buat kau happy dan takkan myesal seumur hidup kau.

Trust me.

Duit tu penting,  tapi kau?  Sapa lagi penting. Buat benda yg kau suka. Benda kau nak,  tp jgn buat half-hearted.  And you know,  jalan yg buat kita bahagia tu pun belum tentu jalan yang bahagia.

Dear kazehaya,
I will come to you one day
Holding these daisies.
That will remind us, the hardship
That we gone through,
The fate that we never know.
The love we never taste,
The excuses for us to meet.

I will always pray the Best for you.
And for me and us.
If we're not meant to be, then
I hope i will still be happy,
With Allah's fate. I trust Him.

But maybe if someday
We're meant to be

I will come to you,
To  hear that you love me,
And ask me to marry you,
And i will say
I love you
And
I
Do

Sincerely,  perempuan gatal.

Reaching you

I wonder what kind of reason should I make for us to meet?

Or maybe ill just be honest,  and tell you what it really means.

To spend time with you and to always by your side.

Be honest, but everybody dont want to be an annoying person isn't it? 

But is it okay for me to be annoying after all?

Maybe I could lower my ego and ask you about yourself.

Or maybe i will just keep watching you from far?  But now,  you stay in a world where even my eyes reach you.

Will my feeling reach you?will you ever Notice me? 

Travel Japan with your own itinerary. (Summer 2016)

Hi assalamualaikum people, have a good saturday. Mood harini mmg mood nak share pasal Jepun, yeah, still fresh lagi so sebab tu kena share awal2, kalau tak nnti lupa pulak. Japan is a great country. ok nnti lah aku cerita. But our step to go there is little bit different kan. sebab ktorg memang plan nak pergi sendiri. Eventhough still banyak tempat yang tak dapat pergi, but i am sure, that will be enough for org yang tak brapa nak ada budget or takut budget lari. This is what I learned from our trip, But of course there must be a better plan drpd org lain, perhaps. But before that I want to apologize because this post contain Duo-language (rojak) which I rojak Malay and English. Well, obviously coz my english wasnt good enough. wakakaka!

Kalau korang yang tak biasa travel sendiri, better cari kawan yg pernah travel, means yg pernah lah pergi dua tiga kali and bleh survived kat negara orang. Dont be afraid to try. kalau tak bila lagi korang nak merasa kan? ha hah ha

First of all, ktorg beli tiket promotion ke kansai airport using Airasia, around RM1005, kira dapat murah sbb tengah promo kan. pastu dah beli tiket, baru Gelabah nak kumpul duit. kahkah

1. Deciding which place to go. 

Everyone must have their own dream to go to Japan and to visit somewhere, and for me, the places I wanted to visit the most are, "Denden Town(Osaka)" and "Arashiyama(Kyoto)". Sebelum nak pergi tu, pilih dulu beberapa tempat yang korang nak pergi. List kan sahaja dahulu mana2 tempat, sekali dengan tempat yang ada entrance fees or masuk free. But for the 4 of us, mula2 bincang awal2, then sorg said nak pergi bamboo forest, then Umeda Sky building, then ada yg decided sama2 macam nak pergi museum house and living tu. Make sure tempat yang korang nak pergi tu worth it lah sebab nanti rugi je balik asyik merungut tak best. hahaha, But anyhow, macam mana kita nak tahu tempat tu worth it ke tak kalau kita tak pergi kan? 

Every place tarikan pelancong tu pergi je. Contoh kat Kyoto, ktorg pergi je. eg; Arashiyama Bamboo forest, kiyomizu-dera temple(paling debak), Kinkakuji temple, Fushimi-inari.

2. Choose hotel while set up your own itinerary.

After you have done your istikharah which places to go, now go and find hotel at Booking.com or Agoda,com or Airbnb, or trivago, or whatsoever platform that you could find the cheapest hotel near to all the places you've planned to go. It is not easy for us to decide mula2, since everything seems unclear, to find such a good hostels and cheap and has a good review need a lots of research. But alhmdulillah, We listed all possible guesthouse and hotels that might be cheap and near to our destination. and yeah. for KYOTO we choose KHAOSAN KYOTO GUESTHOUSE. it was really2 great guesthouse, I really2 love it, but too bad we stayed for just 1 night. huhu. 

The bathroom is great, the lounge and kitchen is great, it is really suitable and comfortable that you could meet other travelers from various countries. and malaysia pun ada masa tu. Their staff also friendly and can speak english. yeah, so basically I would rate Khaosan 4.9/5. we rented 1 room for 4 people, but it is too small to pray, since we have lots of luggage and bags and stuff. But, we manage to. yay!, they have kedai2 like 7e and family mart nearest. 

2, Set up your own Itinerary. 

Ok lepas dah tahu semua benda pasal tempat korang nak pergi tu. Maka, perlulah kornag tengok Maps punya train & Subway & Buses. Honestly, Japan's subway punya railway is quite confusing and berselirat macam apa. But we manage to understand after few days understanding the maps. Aaminah now is the who understand the maps.  This itinerary should have a details such as places, which subways or buses nearest, how to get there, you should walk or something. Since Aaminah, Aina and Caje is quite particular person, I mean, 3 of them macam debak, and know everything , booking and pay that and these, iam just, idling around and doin nothing. >.< (gomenasaiaaaa), so they prepared already the itinerary.

To make easier to know your subways or train lines, I suggest you Hyperdia apps, maybe you should download in your phone siap siap, or mybe cari awal2 dan tulis siap2.There are something like, you line, train and fare dah siap2 kat situ, and other alternative way. 

3. Know your budget

By using hyperdia, you will know all the fare from one station to next station. From Kansai Airport, we are buying ICOCA CARD + HARUKA EXPRESS (JR LINE), hat ni mmg jimat lah kalau korang straight terus pergi KYOTO. so ktorg beli tix terus ke KYOTO, Hanya dalam 3600JYP saja. murahkan? but the tix for Kyoto only 1600JYP, so you guys still have 2000JPY baki ICOCA CARD kat dalam tu. and you can use almost all train termasuk JR,(japan railway.) Btw, for sapa yg tak tahu ICOCA CARD works like T&G card. so keep calm and topup your icoca card. yummmm

Idk, why people said JR mahal, sedangkan private line macam Hanshin or Sennichimae line lagi mahal sebenarnya, it cost like 240JPY per station. mahal en? idk, but JR pun murah saja ada tu ktorg pergi satu station ada dalam 180JPY or 160JPY jer. tapi mana2 lah2 semua ok.

So, after dah tahu cara nak pergi naik apa and harga berapa, you will know your total budget for transportation and Hotel right? and for us, masa tu dapat murah, so ktorg bayar for Khaosan dalam RM130 (pernight) 3500JPY quite expansive tp worth it im tellin ya, duduk ja sini. ha ha ha. and , and for Sakura Hotel, we paid sorang 11000JPY = RM430 appx for 4 nights (very cheap). 

Sakura Hotel  best jugak since keluar daripada station Tannimachi-9 Chome line Tannimachi. EXIT 6, terus nampak hotel. jenuh jugak nak naik tangga apa semua. ha ha. but Sakura hotel is quite near to Shinsaibashi and Dotonbori, dia macam center je, naik brapa train saja sudah sampai gitu. worth it. alhmdulillah. and total for our transportation daripada KYoto to osaka almost like 12000JPY.

Infront of Sakura Hotel, kyaaaa...im so cute. wearing oldschool skirt.

Sakura hotel lounge 

we bought nasi jepun at 179JPY per 3 packs, murah sangat. lol 

rooftop.

p/s; btw, Sakura hotel ada deposit for key 1000JPY per key so, sediakan bajet, nnti dia pulang balik lepas kita kluaq.

4. Enjoy your trip.

I think there's no problem if you already have your own plan and itinerary, No matter what follow what you have already planned, unless kalau korang pergi sana and masa banyak lagi perhaps korang boleh selitkan benda2 baru korang nampak kat sana.  and for us, bertindan dengan Shinsaibashi and Dotonbori, bila jalan2 kat sana, actually dah jumpa dedua, kira satu malam tu ktorg dah pergi Dotonbori dengan Shinsaibashi. halamak, takkan nak p dua kali, lol lagi pun shinsaibashi dgn Dotonbori sama ja benda2 dia jual, mmg murah! guys i told ya barang2 kat pharmacies dia murah2 contoh bedak compact ke or lipstick ke, beli je kalau ada duit. hahahahaha

Day 1

Kansai Airport-Kyoto = 3600JPY (included Icoca 2000JPY)

total = 4250JPY  (g arashiyama skali)

Kyoto tower, they got Prayer room for muslims, staff very friendly and dapat rehat kejap with all luggage , very clean and neat. ada aircond jepun. 

Met this indonesian gal , and she speak Japanese, Korean, chinese and Indonesia. omg, she so cool, and she offered to help us masa baru sampai kyoto. 

arashiyamaaaaa!!!!

ARASHIYAMA, best !
Photo credit : Enjelika

Bamboo Forest.

Credit photo : Nysazadashas

Otw back home, we found this KIMONO forest. I think that might be the type of kain and pattern they used for Kimono. at Arashiyama.

photocredit ; enjlikas

Day 2

Pi Kinkakuji (The golden temple)

Pi Kiyomizu-dera temple (jalan sambil cuci dosa)

Pi Fushimi Inari temple

Total Kyoto overal sampai balik Osaka 5890JPY (max appx)

Kinkakuji Temple.

photocredits ; enjelikas

Kiyomizu Dera Temple

Yang ni lah jalan yang aku cakap Kiyomizu dera temple yang hapus dosa korang kalau jalan (kidding)

sebabb dia jauhgila, and hotse, and naik bukit, alah thats fine sebab ada org naik pakai Kimono with terompah kayu tu. so kewl~~~~

blakang tu Kiyomizuderasastabajnsak

photo credit : Aaminas

charm

photo credit : Aaminas

Basuh tangan ayaq suci sejukkk weyyyyy.

photo credit;Aaminas

tak smyg pun, tgk ja

photo credit;Aaminas

Day 3

Pi house and living museum Osaka (entrance fee 700JYP but fortunately they asked for students card, so ktorg apa lagi kluaqkan matric card UIA ni ha...daapat dalah 300JPY sorg...)

why izit worth it masuk museum ni? sebab best gila u got to wearing KIMONO for HALF an hour for 300JPY it was so cheap im tellin ya. 

total day 3 - 2010JPY but we spent less than this sebab entrance fee murah kan. so byk jimat.

ni museum kak, not the real town , but almost like a real, erythingsashasa lkeahv reaslasa -.-

its too amazing

rent KIMONO 300JPY kau, mana nak dapat.

photocredit ; random visitor

photo credit :enjelikas

photo credit :aaminas

Fine art museum, ktorg p nak amik gambaq structure je (konon budak aad kan) LOL

Photocredit ; aaminas

So we visited Osaka Mosque kat Chibune, 

Ate pakistane food. alhmdulilah finally hv a proper meal, delicious beb! srsly tak tipu.

we got to see this amazing view from Chibune punya bridge otw pergi Osaka Mosque

Dotonbori river

Shinsaibashi

photocredit ; enjelikas,aaminas, 

DAY 4

OSAKA CASTLE (dok masuk pun)

NAMBA PARKS (garden bertingkat,it was beautiful if u love flowers)

Shinsaibashi (shopping street, i bought shoes for 1650JPY)

Osaka castle. 

photocredit; Enjelikas

garden sblm kluaq osaka castle punya taman.

Area osaka castle.

Namba Parks (Floating garden)

leklu nom kopi luuuu~~~~ 130JPY vending machine

total day 4= 1080JPY (act less than this, this is max appx)

Day 5

SAKURANOMIYA (tempat org tgk sakura since we go masa summer.)

UMEDA SKY BUILDING (bayaq 1000JPY) dah naik, dlm tenet tulis 700JPY

after that we split, sebab I want to buy shoes, and went to Denden town by my own (Tempat anime) wakakakaka.

Sakuranomiya

Photocredit ; nysazadasss

photocredit ; Enjelikas

Umeda skybuilding

photocredit ; Enjelikas

jangan lupa bergambar ditengah2 love kat Umeda skybuilding ni. ada lovelock punya tempat.

Denden town. tempat animes

kat Malaysia boikot, kat sana, ni jela makanan aku percaya. takdak hal, aku tak boikot.

muka hitam, -.-

I went there from Dotonbori and walk more than 2 hours tak jumpa where is denden town, I singgah this capsule hotel tengah2 dotonbori and they dont know where denden town (Act they dont speak much english so tatau nak explain) , Battery nak mampuih dah, but I manage to connect with free wifi and search for Denden Town, alhmdolillah jumpa and I walk like 35minutes daripada tempat tu dan jumpa satu kedai Anime, masuk bila keluar balik daripada kedai tu I realized that alllllll building depan blakang kiri kanan is the ANIME TOWN, peh gila. ini gila. since I walked alone i almost visit all kedai yang ada. hahahaha. so puas hati got to see my fav character and there are so much character that I didnt know. macam2 ada. 

bila dah jalan2 then i realized, oh tonight is the last night and there was Tenjin Matsur (Summer festival) invite Hantu. Festival Hantu actually. hahaha. but after long walk, rasa macam tak comfortable.

so I rushed balik Sakura hotel and tukar baju and then I went to Tenjin Matsuri at 7pm and stop at Tenjimbashi Station. It was really crowded in the train with people wearing Kimono and yukata (donno the different) , their make up and hair are so beautiful just for this festival. That's their culture, iam so glad im be able to participate it.

Total belanja overal = idk around 32000JPY jugak, (rm1200+)

so next post aku akan cerita exclusive untuk TENJIN MATSURI saja. tak larat lah nak ceghita semua.

so overall, Japan is really2 a great country to visit. It was good if you able to learn their language, Japanese people really kind and willing to help you eventhough they dont understand english that much, they are willing to help you. And also, in the subway, i was ...like cuci mata tgk mamat2 jepun yang handsome handsome yang aku slalu tengok dalam dorama and movie jepun. hahahahaha. well i guess my taste mmg laki jepun. alah. mata sepet putih and sopan santun gitu. comey sangat. tapi apalah yang aku mampu. hanya mampu usha2 senpai dan kohai daripada jauh saja. wuwuwuwuw....

i cried otw balik. sikit jelah, sbb Allah gv this opportnities to tengok everything that  I wanted to see. culture, technologies, people,what they believe, what are they gone through everyday, their house and lving, how they have vending machine almost anywhere, you will not die sebab thirsty sbb vending machine tu dah macam cendawan. mana mana ja ada. LOL.

and tips for travel partner, just travel dgn org yang kau suka and senang. Dont end up hating each other and ignore each other. No matter what, kita dah pergi sama sama, nak taknak kene sabar and terima perangai masing masing, kalau tak ok tegurlah paling cikai pun. This is where we get to know each other kan. But iam so glad and bersyukur my travel partners is caje, aina and aa, they are very kind, and pandai ambil gambar (paling penting) hahaha. and sabar with my perangai. and i also feel bad lah sbb ada jugak buat perangai in the middle and along the way -.- amazing depa bleh sabau dgn prangai aku.

setiap journey yang kita planned. Allah pun planned, and Allah is the best planner. we have to accept that apa benda yang kita rancang mmg kadang2 slalu tak jadi, kalau jadi Alhmdulillah kalau tak jadi slalu saja ada hikmahNya yang kita dapat along the way right?

I was sesat at Denden Town, like 2 hours, (ada hikmahNya Iwent there alone, kalau depa ikut skali dah mengamuk dah) hahaha. but actually there are always Allah punya planning different for 4 of us.

mula2 pergi I was like, tak cukup bajet and everything, but then dah pergi sana train lagi murah ada entrance fee , and i got extra money from my brother, so ada duit lebih rupanya. Then syukurlah perjalanan pun tak mahal, bleh beli apa yng I need and sourvenir for important people kan, for appreciation.

Tips for makan : we were so jimat bila bawak makanan from Malaysia, which are 3 in 1 , maggie tu kalau bleh bawak banyak sket, then, lauk2 siap BrAHIMs lauk, the beli nasik pack kat Jepun. ada kedai runcit yg jual murah. Then i beli teloq kat Family mart to tambah lauk. haha sebab almost nak muntah makan lauk brahims dgn nasik, I got muak on 4th day ke tak silap. hmmmmmmm. tp sykurlah ada makanan. hahahaha. we beli makanan dekat Chibune (osaka mosque) ada area makanan halal kat situ kan, tu jela aku makan ayam tandori 200JPY seketul, and taste Eyena punya cheese Nan (sedap gila ) 600JPY.

Tips for jenjalan ; Make sure you fit lah, jogging at least a week full, (aku tak pun tu sbb kaki rasa nak patah) , nnti cepat penat pastu cepat marah, lagi2 panas kan summmer. so, get yourself a lot of sabar and energy. jangn risau, vending mechnine berlambak kalau dahaga.

Wifi: they always promoting free wifi kat mana2, MANA2. seriously literally mana2, even dalam 7E ada, Family Mart ada. so dont worry if you cant get connected.

If you really want to travel, make up your mind, kumpul duit betul2, and buat keputusan by choosing the right travel partner, they might be a bigger help pasal duit ka, or pasal everything. Get to know people yg ada experiences, tanya and consult with them, biar nampak buduh pun, kene brave and brani bertanya, (importnat element in travelling) . put it in your mind that both of you still new, and first time datang kat situ, so anythng happen we will learn something new. Allah Ya Baari always have best plan for you. and Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim always bless you sentiasa sepanjang perjalanan, you will be blessed, trust me, Keagunan dan kasih sayang Allah tu sangat luas walau kat Jepun ke , Malaysia ke, thailand ka, DIA sentiasa ada bersama kita. dont worry. ok? Daijobu. InsyaAllah everything will be fine. jangan takut untuk mencuba.

amboi panjang hakak karang. peluh ketiak. ok goodluck , pape bleh PM akak bleh lah akak share private2 kan. hahahahaha.

sapa2 aada information tambahan pun bleh lah share ngan akak. akak ingat nak pergi lagi lah. tengok camna. hihihihih

sayonara,