The crossroad

Today I wrote a song about the crossroad.
and I think I'm going to stuck at the crossroad forever.
That is where my heart fell for you.
The crossroad that always busy, connected me to you.
We walked side by side, but I decided to walk fast and leave you.
But it turned out, I was wrong, the car still chasing each other
without giving any chance to me to cross,
You came out from my back, and push me closed to you.
I was shocked, and you said.
"Maybe this is your first time crossing here, but there is the zebra line"
He showed me that crossing line. Dragged me, nope, he dragged by
by his body, I cant understand the situation well,
you just came and suddenly you walked in front of me, dragged me with you.
I just can't read the situation. too confusing,
You just dragged me into your life, you didnt realized that dont you?

So Im just gonna stuck here, until someone else fetch me. bring me with em.
thank you for leaving me alone.

I dare to change.

Hey, long time no update.

Since I decided to change my life path, and yes, my path completely changed. LOTS of things happened since then. 

After living in depression almost for 3 months. Aku decide untuk sambung master, dengan harapan aku boleh ubah cara hidup aku waktu tu. Skrg ni, apa masalahnya? Why is so depressing?

WAR-King

First, kerja yang aku kerja, tak kena dengan jiwa, working as graphic designer is really not my thing. Plus, Employer really killed my talent and soul with lack of management and bad attitude. I still can tolerate if people give me lots of job, I can handle that, only if you give me a proper SOP or instruction. They way he treated me, mcm aku dah tahu semua benda since dia guna terms "demanding", yes, He said, and my co-worker also labeled me as "budak demand". WHY?

After having 2times interview, 1st handle with graphic, 2nd interview I rushed back from KL, (since still working as Research Assistant) , and he asked me to do the 3Ds, I measure the kedai printing, and buat 3D and yeah,including interior and wallpaper  (I changed so many times.). They dont have any software and asked me to download it, but I cant and I RUSH BACK HOME AND TOOK MY LAPTOP .... gigih nak mati,  I should start at September 2016, but I requested to delay my admission to October 2017, and He asked me why they need to wait for me,

I said, "depends, If you cant wait, then cari lah someone else" , I know some company would feel macam alamak susah lah nak panggil budak interview lagi., and he KEEP saying like, company dia berpuluh2 budak mintak kerja. ramai orang bla..blaa sanggup datang dari jauh like the hell I care. 

I didnt write this masa kerja 3 bulan tu sebab Iam afraid Iam too emotional to write about this, and yeah, my previous post said to the future me,

  "never forget this pain"

So I learn to appreciate everything in front of me now, learn not to complaint and give up.

I sent my letter of resignation 2 weeks before I sign out for the job, At that moment, ive decided to join Master no matter what. So I registered UITM CourseWork. , I attended the interview eventhough my dad against the idea, because he said even if I pass this interview I still can't go. (The money Issue) oh well.

Fakulti Seni Reka Shah Alam

Naik KL with bus dengan adik, sewa kereta, tumpang bilik Najurah, drive to UITM shah Alam,Q and waited for interview, that feeling is the best at that moment, The thirst of adventure, the eager feeling to try something new eventho it cost so much at first. I got meet my favourite lecturer from UITM, Dr Bahar. He interviewed me, and mostly amazed with my portfolio. He looks like doubted why I chose this university so he asked me,

I said, Today I came to find an answer. He told me to make the best decision.

After dapat surat tawaran I passed to UITM Shah Alam, in Fakulti Alam Bina, master in Sains Teknologi., I reject and choose IIUM Instead, time tu that is the best decision because I wanna change my life, but actually im not ready for it pun, so I choose the easiest way.

Throw Daisy from my life.

This might sound bit crazy, but sebab ni jugaklah membuatkan aku rasa gloomy gila hidup, I lost my crush after long time long=long long crush , I knew he will get married soon at that moment. LOL,
the moment I heard that news, I was like stumble, and stunned, I honestly never cried for a mere crush, but this for him. I cried, sikit jela berair mata. takde lah beria sangat, sbb aku sangat shock dan tak percaya, dia pergi so soon. I thought I still can spend time with him lah. LOL,but anyway,

Itu belum cerita gaduh dengan abah, gaduh dengan kakak bila duduk rumah, oh btw, tempat kerja ni like 20minutes dari rumah.


MASTER PLAN

Honestly, Iam not really prepared to pursue master, I know nothing. Didnt choose the topic, just because Abah said he will sponsor within 3 years from now kalau siapa2 nak study, sebab he going to retire soon, So I took the opportunity, now! is time to change mylife,

Istikharah adalah sekali dua, not because I didnt trust istikharah, sebab aku sendiri tahu apa yang aku, Aku doa for the best, for the best for me for the best for me, and everybody sekeliling aku. I want a contribution, I want my life changing for better. So , Allah permudahkan aku daftar master, Abah bukak hati support dan lain-lain like abah begi kereta for bisnes sewa kereta, and i got some duit poket from my last paycheck.

Again, I plan to duduk Mahallah, and buat kereta sewa ( to support myself), and plan to expand to dua kereta (InsyaAllah kalau mampu),

After first day registered as Master Student, the next day I flew to Lombok (3 months planning).  I used up my last paycheck to fly.

Lamaran Kheja daripada Senpai

Time berseronok kat Lombok, Senpai bernama irfan foner melamar aku untuk bekerja dengan dia. Dia mintak jumpa dulu meeting macam mana. As a person who baru lepas berhenti kerja yang sangat teruk, merubah kehidupan dan mood. Aku sangat trauma, seriously trauma sekiranya aku akan dapat majikan yang macam sebelum ni, Aku takut aku akan lari lagi daripada hidup aku hidup Master aku, I dont want to ruin it again,

Time tu aku doa for the best,If benda ni bebetul berikan kebaikan untuk aku, permudahkan lah. Aku doa. Permudahkan. Robbi Yassir Wala Tuassir.

So aku jumpa dia dengan niat awal awal im gonna reject this, sebab aku akan buat kereta sewa and jadi research assistant for madam soon,(unsure).

But after that short discussion, Irfan seriously really2 win to convince to work for him. Anyway. So until now AKu kerja dengan beliau. But I told him, that...please dont expect much from me, please and dont let me terkapai-kapai.

and now, Im so grateful that Ive the best team rn, and this part really changed my life. Meet new people, new job, new in everything fresh and brew~ and I plan to live this life for a long time, how long idk. Just pray to Allah,

and I hope my master, My work, my life, my agama, everything akan dirahmati Allah selalu dan orang2 disekeliling aku, aku mendoakankan smoga aku berhadapan dengan positive vibe setiap hari. dan waluapun ada negatif, aku yang masih berterusan positif dan aku percaya pada give and take yang tuhan bagi..

Oh, I learn Japanese Language, T_T 50% up quality of mylife.


Kalau betul nak tukar cara hidup, tukar. dont wait. Get out from the darkness, is our choice!
life always about taking a risk, every decision is a risk, everyday need to scarifies to thing to achieve another thing. I think, it worth waiting for 3 months in darkness, to have a better life, Allah beri peluang untuk belajar.  at least, That;s my way of seeing hikmah. MY WAY!

I tell you what, nak berubah, sumpah susah. Lagi2 bila kau nak berubah kearah kebaikan, atau kau nak cuba sesuatu yang baru lain daripada yang lain yang kau nak buat untuk merubah hidup kau. IT IS DIFFICULT, aku tunggu 3 bulan like 3 years honestly that was the worst 3 months in mylife so far. Buat Keputusan yang salah takpa,tuhan sentiasa beri masa perbaiki, akan tetapi jika kau duduk saja dalam kesalahan itu, bagaimana kau mahu berubah?

Dare to change.

it is your choice.

dont ask me how, explore on your own lah!

Cant wait for next adventure------------------------------------------------->