Today,is approximately 54 days before end of my internship. and 30 days minus all the holidays and weekends. Hence, I've only 1 month left , working day. After spending 3month and 2weeks for this program of course so much thing have changed. Even for myself, there's so many part that ive realized that ive changed.
You know, people tend to difficult to discover themselves whenever they started to change. They just might think we still all the same, other people is changing.Somepeople said, whenever they don't treat you like before because you didn't acted as they want. in other words, you've changed. Its hard to admit. and im sick talking about changing,change, different all the times. tuih.
If you really want to be who you want to be, then be it. Don't wait until people tell you changing or you are different. such a waste of time if you'd let people control over your life. your mind and soul. Frankly speak, always been a difficult task to avoid people's voice and influences , maybe our nature always want us to prove to everyone that we're good. I mean, we are ourself. But we end up wasting so much time to be people they want us to be. The truth is, people keep changing, if we didn't change means that we dont move forward. We keep changing, we keep renew our thought, we just need to decide, either its for good or reverse.
Gezz, I don't intend to post something about slice of life motivations. It just that I started to think what im going to do after this. I mean, yes it was like a dream that you got best place for work, livng with your friend and had an independent life, but I'd realized that this moment wont last. We have to move forward (talking about something to move, remember about kazehaya ...kun). Sometimes I feel that Iam lost at comfort zone that I dont want to move forward or backward. I want to freeze the time, yes, and no I want to make this moment forever. but I know that perhaps something in front, something far away are waiting for me, my future is waiting for me. god and His plan.
Before we decided to live alone, I thought we want different experiences from anyone else, we've got no allowance since beginning, we have to pay rent every month, pay the bills, carefully plan our expanses . and have to go to work every morning, wake up with responsible within our shoulder, have a good working with your coworker, and end our internship program with flying colors, so much till we didn't think about how hard experiences this could be. and with a blink of the eye, we're now almost at the semi final battle. and the real battle is final year project. But life isn't just about this battle. But I think, for my role, that should be enough for this alone, I shouldn't have more battle , I might pass out if I did it. well, not everyone will pass out. Im just not ready. I hope u will understand what I meant by 'more battle'. along the way.
I would care if people told me that im just avoiding it and creating more excuses. because yes I am. well this case started since im already in it. or I would say I born with it. somewhere that not many people live with. and some people continue, and some people like me dont. even I have to block my friends and disappear I wouldn't have any regret. coz i already regret everything until now and I will feel more regret if I come back . Eventhou some of them not giving up to pull myself together by knowing my background, Sometime its the best if you live with people who doesnt care even a slightest about your family background or yourself before, who dont give a damn about what you're doing, and dont even care if you do what you want. Just be with me whoever Iam and whenever I go, always give positive support and tell me what's right and wrong.
Dont expect me for more, Im tired to live up people's expectation. I'm sorry if Iam not the person who I was before or a person you thought I'll be. I'm sorry if I changed. but you dont have to stay.