.:My Dearest friends:.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

worth double taps post

Dont let me go by click five *playing*

here is the trick to write an emotional post without being distracted. Listen to the most sentimental music, and keep it replying . play until u finish writing. and surprisingly,  you wouldnt notice how many times the song playss

Its been a while since Ive updated my last photos on instagram and facebook, and even twitter. and you know what, im going to abandon it  for a while , just to keep my mind away.

Never thought that it would give me such deep reminder upon myself. My perspective changed when I saw photos of my friends. I promised to myself that I will stop uploading anything at social networks, and here I come back, but blogger as exceptional I guess. What have change? I saw that world with different perception. People talk about themselve, talk about their pleasure, their happiness , the moment they dont want to forget, But somehow, it feel so lonely, picture and those captions makes me so lonely. I dont think that I would feel so lonely, mybe my life not as fun as them, mybe my money not much as them, mybe my outfit not nice as them. I want to have it all. friends, moments, beauty. I just couldnt figure it out

Until I realized that I cant have it, I just can imagine it, just can dream it, and it felt so lonely. Because I want something that people have. and I knew I couldnt afford it. Then, I reflected my life. my self. I also have life, but my life is not fun because I dont show it to people, I want people to see, I want people to know that Im happy and my life is worth-watching. scrolling and double taps.

To be honest. That what I felt right after I stopped uploading photos online. It is not wrong. Nothing wrong with uploading photos, sharing moments and all these, nothing wrong. What's wrong, is me. But these photos that Ive keep without uploading anywhere could have been extra sentimental. Why, because it left without descriptions. I know someday it will bring me back to those moments whenever I see the pictures. Because people will forget and the memory will bring them back. even if I dont remember it anymore, that picture will tell me the stories.

Mom once said "kalau pergi shopping mall mesti nak shopping. baik tak payah pergi".

that one line give me principles in my life. Kalau asyik tengok gambar orang lepastu jeles2, baik tak payah tengok. if you couldnt handle yourself, then keep away. Manusia ni 1001 mcm2 perangai, so kita tak tahu apa yang org fikir bila kita tunjuk kebahagiaan kita. Lagi2 org2 saiko mcm aku ni, ha. tengok emosi je post pasal upload gambo saje.

haha, Trust me, I will come back soon, upload everything again.

let me tell you a secret, my mr Kazeya is a person who wouldnt go online. he rarely upload picture of him. or anything. So, he left myterious. I hate it, but I cant help it,  because I dont know what happen to him,  so I have nothing to feel and my mind keep playing all moments when  I met him last time. Funny though, This kazehaya will remain secret and no one will ever heard anything about him from me. 

You know what amazing about human? memories. someone lies in some other memories. Memories is like supernatural power that come with emotional feelings and thousand layers of moving pictures and sounds. Some people could replay it clearly even after decades passes. no matter it for good or bad memories. Somehow i surprised myself that I could remember kazehaya clearly. and he doesnt know how my memories still replying. But that part of memories, people choose what they want to remember, and somehow the couldnt erase it. and when they want to remember it, it already disappear. Memories is gift from Allah.  

Lagi setengah bulan nak hujung tahun. Only if I can count blessing that Allah gave, Only if I can repent my countless sins, Only if I could say that Ive tried my best to survive. Only if I can avoided any mistakes. Only if I try my best to take care of my heart, Only if  I can count how many time I spend my time remembering Allah.  Allah gave so much rezeki and blessing,yet I still couldnt call myself hamba yang bersyukur.  


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"wahai orang-orang yang beriman, Mengapa kamu mengatakan sesuatu yang tidak kamu kerjakan?" "Allah sangat benci jika kamu mengatakan sesuatu yang tidak kamu kerjakan" Assoff:2-3