My first post in 2016, Happy Masihi New Year, Hijrah New Year is already started long time ago. well, If you dont remember, today is 22nd of Rabiul Awwal 1437hijri. Honestly, on 31st day of 2015, I had this thought that Im gonna turn 24 soon. They said that women who turn into 24-26 years is at their most rilexing level in their emotion. haha. Trust me, women doesnt have any limits in their emotion. It is all depends on their situation ye know!
Then, I will start the story that happened yesterday. semalam hantar umi pergi mesir, kat KLIA. So I met her and her friend. salam tangan kejap lepastu nak pegi toilet. When I came back, I just realized that ada sorg chinese girl yang duduk depan umi. These seats kat depan terminal E, which is ada 6 chairs yang facing each other. so, that chinese girl sit infront of umi, then next to her is me. borak2 dengan umi. Then umi ckp . "ok jom lah amik gamba.." then I go lah duduk besides umi , suruh nada amikkan gamba. When I get back besides her, she suddenly asked me to take her picture. yeah. sure. why not. bila nak bg balik hdphone dia. Then dia tanya.
"What kind of gesture that you do with her.." dia tunjuk gaya salam cium tangan. oh that was long time ago. I bet she really simpan that curious nak tanya. haha .
Then, me and nada explain that is when we greet people who older than us. I dont say it shows of seniority or sort of, I somekind of respect lah we said. then she nodded understand. She seems impressed and excited. It happen that she is first time in Malaysia, tp dia transit je, which is she never had chance to walk around KL. well I bet she doesnt have any plans to walk malaysia. of course, her destination is Nepal.
Then we stopped for a while , aku berborak2 balik dengan umi aku yg aku dh lama tak jumpa. balik rumah xjumpa kat rumah pun. kena pegi jumpa kat KLIA juga. Meet my mom is very costly I guess. Then its getting late, moms flight at 2pm, that time is already 11 so we have to gerak balik puchong segera. then I greet her for the last time. Then dy tanya bleh mintak mail tak , pastu aku pun suggest yang nak email dia and number dy so that we can keep in touch. You guys should watch her reaction that she is truly happy to know us. mom said "suka dia kat pizah." yeah. I can see from her expression, is like you're happy that uve got new friends. She gimme a hug. and the we taking picture.
Mom said, That's the power of Ya Rahman Ya Rahim. Aura kasih sayang yang Allah pancarkan buatkan seseorang tertarik dengan kita. well, of course there will be some hikmah that we didnt know. I always wonder how strangers see me in their eyes. i mean, non muslim ke, that because I never had chance to know them. I dont have any non muslim friend that much. Iam so happy that Allah let her likes me at least want to talk to me. huhu. I took this event as a great opening of my 2016. and I do hope that this year will be more interesting more and more. eventhough that I might facing big challenge ssoon i hope that I strong enough to survive.
You know that, Ive always in situation when Im with my friend, and we meet new people, that new people never interested in my but like my other friend instead. something I thought mybe iam not cute enough. maybe iam not friendly enough, maybe im not that lively, i dont know. I dont know how to create my first appearance in peoples first impression.
Her name is Saisai. She said if I want to visit china, we can meet there and gimme some tour. Oh lord, Im glad. at least ade jugak org interested with my behaviour. wuwuwuwuw. im sound so pathetic arent I.now now, since when my self-esteem fell this low huh?
There was a time when many people said that I have high confident level in myself. why? because i can speak clearly infront of people, Im not a stage fright. I shout my opinion outloud, my presentation full of confident because I can speak english loudly eventhou my grammar is poor. I can smile happily I can answer people's question confidently. Now, there's nothin like that because I gain my weight. kait sangat -_- . dunno why. but Iam not who Iam. dah, titik.
Now, Iam hafizah that has moderate confident level, I can stuck and freeze infront of people sometimes, I can cry if get scold or cannot answer question during presentation. I become fragile. I became more cautious when I speak my mind. I put more lying and comfort through my words and most of the time, I choose to keep silence. Then I realized that I grow less haters. ha ha ha
because as i'm growing older, life isn't easy as before. I have to take responsibility for my words. I became coward. I became puppet, my voice stuck in my throat, and its burning feel like my lung going to explode whenever situation happens. I became weak when I'am with my friends, that feeling you want to keep your relationship good, dont want to scratch her heart. dont want to make them "terasa". yeah . that sorts of things yang membuatkan kdg2 kita jadi lemah. Some people said, you will grow weak when you fallin love. and people who love the most will hurt the most. yada ...yada. . . we knew it already, yet we neglected it. we keep changing it that love make us strong. love keep us motivated. we keep this lies forever , we keep consoling our own heart that love gonna make us stronger. yet. look at the mirror and ask our self. is that true?
Wait. dont get me wrong. I dont against the idea that Love make us stronger and give motivations and bla bla. because I witnessed with my own eyes that people suffered. by that time people said "that's not love lah. love doesnt make us suffer." click. now tell me what is ye definition of love. that answer lies in every heart, and it doesn't applied to others heart. only we knew what we knew. only we feel what we felt.
Actually, how I wish to have my confidence back. But sometimes being so strong and out loud makes you feels lonely, hey, have you heard this? people who are strong will always feels lonely. how come they feel lonely when they are strong? Life sure complicated but you wont feel so lonely if you have good companions with you.
sedar tak sedar. tinggal lagi 3 minggu nakhabis intern. and my post shall stop until then, coz I will get back to my Instgram and twitter. so. TTYL.